From Personal Growth to Global Partnerships at Logiwa

you know, in the role that I’m in today, from a partnership
perspective, absolutely. It’s it’s all about not justwhat can you do for
yourself, but what can you do for others? And that’s the amazing part of
being in a strong partner ecosystem.Welcome to the Know Your Ship podcast
presented by EHUB. I’m your host, Frank Dolce.That’s perfect. This is a great
jumping off point. All right, let’s jump. Damian Hollessworth. Do you have a
middle name?Thomas, named after my dad. Do you How many How many people call
you DT? Does anyone call you DT?You’re the first. That’s it. Yeah. What do
you think? DoI’m open. Did you have a nickname? I’ve been called a lot worse,
so DT is fine. Like, let’s just be honest.DT. Yeah. Damian Thomas
Hollesworth. What kind of name is Hollessworth?German. Actually, we have a
broad heritage. Uh, ironically enough, we looked it up a while back and uh
but Iwould say we have a lot of uh a lot of German, but we have a couple
different elements, too.Mhm. Yeah. My dad did he spent a bit of time kind of
looking at the family tree andkind of all the history. I I haven’t found it
extremely exciting to to diginto yet. Why not? I think that’s like I’m more
of a present kind of moment guy than I am like looking at the
history.Although I don’t know that. Yeah. I don’t know. It feels like family
history should be much easier.What’s your family history to do? We’re we
talked a little bit about this last. Yeah. I mean we’re we our line is
likewe’re direct descendants from the great emperors of Rome.Of course you
are. Yep. And German royalty. Naturally. The vulga Germans.The vulga Russia.
They’re Russian Germans. Vulga. So like a German prince. I’mgoing to get this
all wrong, but essentially here’s the story. Okay. Mhm. A German. Are we on
the honest path? We still onthe honest tree? Where where we going here? I
just want to make sure I know where we’re tracking. We’re still on.Okay. Good
to know. That’s our foundation. Okay. That’s our core. Core. Okay.German
royalty member of the royal family femalemarries I want to say it’s Frederick
but I’m not certain okay Russian royaltyand she moves to Russia and then she
sets up this German community in Russiavulga and so it becomes this German
Russians vulga go Germans and that’s mythat is truthfully that’s where my
mother’s family. Okay. What about your dad’s?My dad’s is much more
interesting. There’s many stories.Many I got time stories. So we believe that
my grandmother’s fromnorthern Italy Lombardia region. We believe thatmy
grandfather is southern Italyuh like Naples region. Yeah. But we’re but none
we’re not certainabout any of that. We’re more certain about my grandmother.
The story about my grandfather grandfather is much moreinteresting. Like
there was Okay. Within this story, there is an illicit affair,possibly some
criminal activity. Oh, wow. Andsomeone shuffled off to the United States of
America.That sounds like an interesting like Netflix series. I know it could
be. So, I lean intothat. Like I Why not? Yeah. I like I like all of that stuff.And
there’s even even interesting about our last name, Dolce, which sounds likeit
was not our last name in Italy, but because of some military service, thelast
name was given to H the, you know, family member andthen it transferred over
to the States. There you go. Very good. What do you think for
sharing?Absolutely. Okay. I I’m I’m buying more of your story now that you
kind of just gave me the background. It’s true.I didn’t really know initially
where we were going with that. That’s all true. We started with royalty, so I
was like, “Oh, this thisshould be fun.” Yeah. Yeah. Have you been
to Italy? Yes. It’s amazing.Beautiful. Amazing place. Food. Yeah. I was I was
really lucky. My my dad uh was is a professor at a uhseminary in southern
Indiana called St. Min. Um and so he would study abroad umfor 3 months every
other year for a certain period of time and so when we were I think it was 10
and 12 we had theprivilege of going over and staying for 3 months at a time
and so he we were placed in Einsteel Switzerland beautiful by the way
thesister seminary for St. Mine red was a nine seedle and so he would he
would train into Zurich Monday through Friday.My mom would kind of homeschool
us and then when he was done on Thursday we’d meet him and jump on a train
andtravel all over Europe. How great. Yeah. What a great experience it was. I
mean it was profound. UhGermany was, you know, still divided. Um saw, you
know, what communism lookedlike. Um saw people soldiers on the streets with
with, you know, machine guns.um you know you see history you see culture in a
very different way and and then also I think from that perspectivecoming home
a lot of the things we we don’t worry about here we take for granted you
knowthe freedoms that we have and so that was that was pretty pretty profound
for me at an early age um and I just I’vealways loved the history the
buildings um there’s something to that even at a young age I couldn’t
appreciate all ofit at that point in time I mean my my dad with his, you
know, ties to, you know, St. Minred and andgrowing up Catholic, he drag us
from church to church in Rome and like, butlater on in life, I really was
grateful for the experience. Mhm. Um, yeah.Yeah. You you don’t appreciate it
necessarily in the moment. No, it was super annoying. I just wanted to go
back and play tag and have fun.As you reflect, you think, I wish I would have
Yeah. been more conscious of what we were ableto do. Yeah. And then post post
college, I’ll tell you a quick story. It’s an amazing experience.Post
college, we went back uh myself and three of my buddies, and that’s a whole
different story that would take up anentire podcast, that story. But one of
the really cool moments was we met my father who had he was in Zurich um
withsome students. And so we went back to Einel and we had dinner with the
monksin Einsteel and it was in silence and it was an amazing experience.
Nobody says aword. Everybody eats, comes in, leaves in silence.Yeah, it was
pretty powerful. All you heard was chewing and slurping, drinking like
what?No, they they they must teach each other how to do that quietly cuz that
didn’t even happen. It was probably me slurpingand chopping cuz I I wasn’t
trained in that way. But yeah. Okay, let me ask you a question abouteating in
silence. Mhm. You want the mashed potatoes, but they’re down at the other end
like ofthe table. What do you do? Is there a signal? It’s a good question.I
don’t remember what I did. I don’t think I ate much. I was so nervous. You’re
afraid you’re going to, you know,like make some weird noise and everybody’s
going to look at you. And there’s there’s like it’s not like 20 people,
right? It’s a cafeteria style.All the monks are there. I mean, yeah. To my
memory, it felt like there’s 100 people. Why do they do that? Why do they eat
insilence? Is there a reason behind that? I’m sure there is. And I’m sure
they shared it at somepoint. I don’t recall. I’m guess probably just
reflection and maybe gratitude and just the whole the wholeexperience was
memorable. Oh, very much so. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever done that? No. But now
I’m interested in it. I’minterested in In fact, at the next family dinner, I
might just say,”Tonight we’re going monk style. Try it and see what
happens.” Silence. Yeah.I’m I’m gonna Do you want to You want to put
money on how long you’re going to last? Sure. How long I will last?Yeah. How
long do you think you can eat in silence? I can eat in silence. With your
family at the table, not say aword. I can. Absolutely. There’s no question.
All right. There’s other family members. One may bein our present company who
could not. I think she might be able to do it. I do. I I do. I just met her
briefly, butI know she’s sitting in silence right now and this is like an
hour long. No, but she’s bubbling up like she there’s a lot tosay. She has a
lot to say. That’s fair. She’s brilliant probably.I don’t know how we got
sidetracked. I was just about to introduce you and then we got down we went
down the family.I think the lineage path took us off. Yeah, that was you.
That was definitely youcuz we we were initially referencing a map and your
mind and Yeah. families. Okay. I have this ideaof where we’re headed on this
podcast. Excuse me. Go ahead. because I know a little bit about your history
and I hopeI’m hoping we can talk about that and how it’s led you to where you
are today in your life.But why don’t we start with why don’t you tell us
where you are todayin your life? Who do you work for? How did you how did you
get here? Whatis your What do you do in your spare time? I mean, let’s let’s
start there and thenwe’ll start tracking back. Okay. Um, well, I think for
where I am today, what brings you and I together isthe relationship we have
from a business perspective. And obviously that’s ex extended beyond just
that, which isgreat. Um, I I love I love the the people that I’m with and the
things I get to do on a daily basis, and you’repart of that. Um, but
currently I’m I’m head of global partnerships and alliances here at Legwa.
Um, and so weare a phenomenal SASbased WS product. We we talk FMS, but
warehouse managementsoftware. And so we really try to drive efficiency and
automation and helping our customers 3PLs and brandssuccessfully run their
fulfillment operations. Um, and so a natural extension of that is how do how
do ourcustomer ship and that’s what that’s what brings us together. And
there’s nice alignment. We I mean we’ve saidthis before on the podcast, but
e-hub we we try to help our create efficienciesfor our customers and help
them make real solid database data drivendecisions and and so that is good
alignment with what what you do at Lega.Yeah. Yeah. But you know it’s six six
degrees of separation. Every job I’ve had the last 20 years was
relationshipbased. you know, if I just walk myself back and some of those
relationships were interesting. Um, you know, I thinkthat’s such is life,
right? You learn and you grow and, um, but everything I’ve done is broughtme
to where I am today. Um, things I’ve done well, things I’ve not done well.
Um, I think, you know,like we were talking earlier, life’s just a bunch of
experiences you got to have. Mhm.And the biggest thing that we can do is
share those experiences. Um, so that’s what I do professionally. Um,personally,
I’m I’m blessed. So, I have an amazing wife, Andrea, who has uh been my rock
stood stood by me through manychallenging times in my in my journey. Um, and
I we have four beautiful kids.You’ll notice I’m rocking the P for Purdue.
Uh-huh. Go Boiler Makers. Boiler up, baby. You have one in camp right now,
right?I do. I’m very proud of him, sir. Linebacker. Is he a linebacker? He’s
a He’s a He’s a running back. Running back. Yeah. Yeah. Very, very proud of
hiscommitment to be the best that he can be. Yeah. And you know that when you
have kids, there’s um nothing greater thanseeing them pursue their passion to
find out, you know, how far they wantto pursue that. And there’s a lot of
sacrifice. Like, you know, I was telling the guys at dinner last night, you
were there is,you know, he starts at 6:30 and they go till 12:30, then they
have a break, theyeat, 3:30 they’re back, until 8:30 or 9. I mean, that’s
that’s a day, you know,and that’s a that’s a day in and day out. Um, at 19,
18, 20 years old,like doing things that that’s not what I was doing at 18,
19, or 20 years old, which we’ll probablyget to. Um, and then I have I have
three three other beautiful children. My my second son, Becket, he’s a
senior. He alsoplays football. Really proud of him, too, and all of his
commitments on and off the field academically.Um, same goes for Carter. Um,
and then two younger daughters. Ellis is an eighth grader. Uh, she’s
phenomenal. Um,and Farah is our our youngest. She’s amazing, too. She’s she’s
a sixth grader. Um, and you know, we’ve beenblessed to have two boys and two
girls and learn different experiences throughall of our kids, you know. Um,
and that’s really what makes me who I am istrying to be the best father and I
can be with many faults and many mistakes and just, you know, loving our kids
andencouraging them. And, uh, you know, they push us. My my my kids push me
to be a better version of myself becausethey’re constantly striving to be the
best version that they can be. Mhm. Um, and my wife, she’s she’s my rock,man.
So, yeah. So, what else did you want? Where do you want me to go from there?
That’s great. No, that’s a perfectbackground. You I mean from from the very
first time that we met and have hadthe chance to get to know each other. I
mean, people talk about relationship people and people who
managerelationships and you’re you have a unique abilityto make people feel
comfortable and welcomeand it’s really easy. um uh there’s an easy
conversation all the time andthat’s a I that’s just a real talent and it’s a
and it’s I I think it’s anunderval undervalued talent in our society the
ability to manage and createrelationships with people and to really connect
with people and I think I think that’s one of the things that you do sowell
is it feels unique and it feels real when you’reinteracting with someone and
and I also know so you know good good for you. you’veyou you’ve you’ve really
established that part of your life and I’m sure thatis on the business side
and on your your personal side as well. But I know that you have auh a a
difficult historyand I am really curious abouthow that history and those
experienceshelped to develop this ability to create and have
meaningfulrelationships with people. Do you think there’s do you thinkthere
is some unique correlation in those things? Yeah, probably. So, um you know,
whenyou and by the way, what what I’ve learned much later in life is we
allhave life experiences. Mhm. And some of the things that I would say that
I’ve learned isyou’re not the only one. And sometimes in life we can feel
we’re the only one. Right? So in and through recovery I’velearned the
importance of trying to hold space for other people. And it it’s not natural
for me. It’s something I’ve hadto learn. So you have as we come here today,
right? All of us had different experiences to get here.And I don’t know what
you’re carrying today, you And if I only focus on what I’m carrying, it
blocks me from beingphysically present and you know for you. And I think
that’s a big part of what weall have the opportunity to do. Um but there’s no
doubt that that’s what was extended to me. I mean to your question,yeah, you
know, addiction was something that was part of my life for a long time,
active addiction, and now it’sabout recovery. Um and so through that process,
first I saw I hurt a lot ofpeople. Um, and so you have to kind of you have to
own that, right? And it takes a while to really own it and thento want to
make changes, right, that aren’t just about yourself. Um, and so,you know, I
I got introduced to drugs and alcohol early age, probably 12 or 13 years old,
recreational,um, you know, made me 10 feet tall and bulletproof, and I could
I could dance like Michael Jackson, and I could, youknow, like whatever it
was, right? Like whatever those things were. Yes. Although it definitely
didn’t look likeMichael Jackson in my mind. You know what I mean? Like you
see those memes on Instagram where you’re singing out loud.You think it it
sounds like this and then they they flipped to what it really sounds like. I
know. Yeah. That’s that’s But when I hadsubstances in my body, it allowed me
to have courage that I that I felt like I lacked. And I don’t know why that
is. II grew up in a home where I think my parents loved me the best way they could.
I don’t I don’t have some crazy story of havingabsent parents or anything.
And don’t me wrong, there there were challenges growing up. My parents did
the best theycould. Um but certainly, you know, substances that I could take
on the outside and and put on the inside couldchange how I felt. Mhm. And so
that that that was a that was something I did for a long time. Um youknow, I
I I would run from things. I would lie or I would put something in my body to
make me not have to think aboutwhat happened. And as that addiction
progressed, it got it got a lot more common. Um, and so, you know, that wecan
talk about that for a while if you want, but I I I think what I would say is
there’s so many people that are affected by addiction today. And thesheer
fact that you wanted to have me here to talk about it’s a testament to to you
guys, the podcast, and thepurpose of what we do. Um, and and you do that
every day, Frank. I watch your podcast. I know that you’re what youdescribed
in me. I I could say touche because you do the same thing. you make it feel
comfortable, you care. And Ithink if I leave this planet and then I can just
do that a little bit, I’ve had a successful life because the start ofmy life
was not that. It was destruction and selfishness. And you know, I’ll tell you
a quick story. I was probably16, 17, maybe 18 years old and we’re at the
dinner table and my parents had spent most of their life helping others.Mhm.
And what I didn’t know is um so a little bit of context, my mom uh startedout
as a as a LD teacher, learning dis this learning disability teacher. Isthat
right? Special ed. Mhm. Um I don’t even call that anymore, but that’s what it
was called originally. Umand so as she went through that, then she worked for
our co-op in our town andand place kids and help kids with placement pre
kindergarten. And so she would meet with your child as an exampleand and kind
of do some tests and say, “Hey, based on where Mary Sue is orBilly Bob,
they need certain types of help, right?” And so sometimes as a parent,
that’s hard to hear, right? Thethings that we love the most is our kids
number one. Mhm. Um and so that happened and and thissomebody wrote a letter
to my mom and said, “You can’t even take care of yourown kids. How can
you make suggestions to me about mine? And I’m 18, 16 yearsold, right? And I
didn’t really I felt remorse and I felt apologetic and I hadlike I had some
connection, but I couldn’t I I couldn’t stop what I was what I was doing. Um,
and so I say as astory like get sober and then I got to own that. Right. Now,
don’t get me wrong, at 16,17 years old, I’m a kid. Mhm. So, whoever whoever
did that, first off, have the courage to put your last name on it. Side note,
I’m sorry. That’smy ego coming out in this podcast that because it because I
saw the hurt it caused my mom. Sure. You know, and I I didn’t I didn’t
wantthat. Um, but I had experiences like that. Um, and they just they
progressed and andand uh you know, I was 20, so I got I got sober September
25th, 2004.Um, and it was a process to get to that point. Uh, a lot of
craziness.So, okay. So, by the time you’re 16, you got introduced maybe when
you’re 12, 13 years old. 12, 13 years old.And was it just kind of a steady
progression to the point where yourealized you had a problem or was it like
immediate you’re allin?Steady progression. Yeah. And and and addiction hits
people differently, right? Like for me, it was a steadyprogression. Um, I
think also I’d say is sometimes you can’t see how quickly youprogress. So to
be fair, like I it wasn’t 13 and it was all on. Yeah. It was recreational and
having fun. Andthen 16 I got in trouble to law, got shipped off to military
school. Um,you know, came back. Okay. So 16, you got caught doing something
or someYeah. I I uh I had a party. Uh my parents are out of town and so
what’s a good 16-year-old dude throws a partyand a buddy of mine showed up in
a new iRock and I said, “Hey, can I take take it for a drive?” Like
this is a good idea, right? Well,he got in the passenger side and um we
decided and I can I can play thisback like it was yesterday. We we turned on
the 13th Street and as I’m turning on 13th Street, a cop’s coming down
thehill and as I’m passing and in my mind he looks at me and I look at him
and I still believe that’s exactly whathappened. I took a right and I took a
left and we parked and the cop whipped around and pulled up behind us and
wehad thrown beer out in between that transi that experience right of he him
looking at me and me looking at him.Yes. And so in my mind I’ve totally
forgotten how much alcohol I’ve consumed at this point. And so he uh he asked
me if I’dget out of the car and so I said yes. And so I’m standing over in
the grass and in my mind I’m thinking we threw allthe beer out. Well, he
looks behind the passenger side seat and finds a beer.And he looks at me, he
says, “You’re going to be under arrest.” And I looked at him and I
ran. So,like you literally started running like Carl Lewis in the 100 meter dash.
Yeah. But much less Carl Lewisvery much. Well, I got away for a moment. But
here’s the kicker. The guy in the passenger seat did not get awaycuz he was
still in the car. So, uh, about an hour later, there’s a knock on my door. I
have showered, changedclothes, and you ran home. Yeah, I ran home. It’s like
a good guy, a good boy does, you know. I’m goinghome. Yeah. And uh he he
asked if I if I was that individual, and I said, “No, sir, thatwas not
me.” And uh he didn’t like the fact that I was I lied to him. So, long
story short,I got I got in a little bit of trouble. Yeah. And uh part of the
deal to to kind of get out of that trouble was to go off tomilitary school
for a year. And and so I went to Mexicouh military academy um called MMA in
Mexico, Missouri. And so I spent myjunior year there. Yeah. How was that
experience? Oh, that was interesting.Yeah. And at at a military school, could
were you could you did you still have accessto substances? Not not as much. I
mean, there was some, yes, but but it did tailor a bit ofthat, but I became
really angry that I was there and some it was my fault. Um, so there’s a lot
of fighting and a lotof resentment that I had um being away from my family.
Um, you know, and at 16,I’m blaming everybody else for where I am. Mhm.
Right. And that that that that view on life would carry for a long time in
mylife. I would blame everybody else for the circumstances that I was in. Um,
andso there was some of that, but then, you know, it and I did I did learn some
things. There were some good people there. Um, I I did march a lot. I wasvery
disobedient. Um, I did get in a fair bit of fighting. Um, and just butit was
necessary part of my my growth of where I am. And I don’t I don’t I’m oneof
those people that I don’t know what my life would look like if anything if a
left turn went right or a right turnwent left, you know. Isn’t that so
interesting? People say that all the time. Yeah, they say it on this podcast
all thetime. Yeah. I say I give them the opportunity. If you could have done
something differently orif your life could have changed, would you change
some aspect of your life and people are very thoughtful about it andthen say
it made me who I am today? Well, what I what I would say is there are things
that I did that hurt peoplethat I would love to change. Mhm. 100%. man, the
pain that I have caused people in my life, I would I would takethat away if I
could. But to your point, the experience has allowed me to share with others,
to learn from my mistakesand and to to to try to to learn to be a better
person. Yeah. So, it’s a it’s a balance, right?Because I could tell you, if
my wife is sitting here, I would I would take the pain I caused her away if I
could, or mykids or or my mom, right? Yeah. Or my siblings, right? Like
there’s you’rejust when you’re in addiction, you’re so consumed yourself.
It’s one of the most selfish if not the most selfish diseaseyou can have.
Yeah. Because you’re consumed in self. Does that causing pain to others? Uh I
mean II guess I would say that you’re pretty thoughtful about that now and
that has molded the way you treat peoplethese today like the way that you’re
demonstrate compassion with people.Yes, 100%. But I also say I still can fall
short sometimes. Like I have to get up in the morning and I spend an hour
inthe morning with prayer and meditation. I read an amazing one by the way
today that we can I can share with you. Um butI have to be intentional about
that. I have to ask God to come into my life and to guide me every day.Mhm.
Because my default is selfishness, right? Like that’s and I don’t mean
topaint myself as a horrible person. I’m a much better person today than I
was a year ago or 5 years ago, right? But butI have stumbled along the way in
life. The one thing that I have successfully done is I I have kept a plug in
the jugand been sober since September 25th, 2004. And that that that’s
something I have done successfully.But there’s other mistakes that I’ve made
in life, right? And so like I don’t I don’t want to to not recognize
those,right? Because they they can be really hurtful. Yeah. So I would say
yes for me those experiences have shaped who I am and howI’m able to share
and show up today for people. But the people I hurt that’s the tough part.
You get that.Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think we I think all of us
who have experienced life have experiencedsome point when unintentionally or
otherwise we have causedYeah. pain to others. And that’s hard to that’s
really hard to overcome. Yeah. That’s really hard to overcome. and andmaybe
the way that you manage it now is being super intentional about not doing
that. So that’s a that I think that’s areally a really interesting lesson.
Okay. So I wanted to I wanted to ask youa few more questions about this uh
this the struggle. Can we call it thestruggle? I mean what what would be the
appropriate way to describe that that point in your Well, you know what?
I’mgoing to call it the point in your life, but but maybe you describe it as
a as a kind of an ongoing like this is yourlife. This is a section of your
life and now you’re in this section of your life, but they’re all related
toYeah. Yeah. I mean, you can call it a struggle. I mean, there there are
there are different periods of my time of mylife where addiction looked and
meant different things,meaning like active in an addiction versus in
recoveryand you know, consumed in self. Mhm. And trying to care and love love
love others.I think the interesting thing and maybe I just don’t know enough
about it, but Mhm. Okay. So, as someone who who hasn’t Imean, I’ve had I I’ve
known people in my life who haduh periods in their life where they they are
addicted and it seem it always seemslike there’s this kind of triggering
event or there’s something that they can focus on and say, well, you know,
thisis the thing and that started this off. I don’t know that I have found
that inin your story yet. Or is there like a triggering event that you would
say this thing started me down the path toaddiction? No, I meanuh not not to
my knowledge. No, like I just for me it was a social outlet thatbecame
something I was constantly chasing to get back to. It’s probably the best
wayI can describe it. Right. When you say chasing to get back to, is that a feeling
aboutYeah. It’s it’s it’s 100%. Yeah. No. Alcohol and drugs. I mean, that’s
the thing that I think people struggle tounderstand a little bit, right? Is
it’s it’s a very selfish disease, but there’s a there’s a state in which
people I’llspeak for myself, not for others, but that I was trying to get to.
And the longer you’re in consuming substancesand and and drinking, your
tolerance becomes right and it’s harder to get tothat place. So you have to
do more longer. Gotcha. And then it just becomes this blackoutfor the lack of
better words where you’re just you’re consumed in it. Um and you you you
don’t know the beginningfrom the end. It’s just this constant run-on sentence
and you can’t get out of it. Ah yeah man.Yeah. So, we we had a guy on the podcast,
local local celebrity, playedfootball here at one of the universe. He’s a
very good guy. He’s been in recovery for a long time. And now he heactually
is a counselor and worked with I think I watched that podcast actually. Yeah.
He said one thing that I thought wasvery enlightening in that podcast. A very
like you know, you talk about honesty being your foundation. Well, atone
point he said, “I love dope.” He didn’t say, “I
loveddope.” He said, “I love dope.” And that’s a constant
struggle becauseof the feeling that he had when he was under the spell like
hehe could just there’s nothing else that replaces that. Is thatcan you
relate to that? Is that a similar experience? Well, I mean, firstoff, his
experience and his story is totally his, right? So, I whatever I would say, I
I I don’t I don’t know his,but what I can say to mine is like for example,
when I got sober, Idon’t have a desire today to drink and and so I I went
through a 12stepprogram and it helped me find a God of understanding. And as
a result of that, I’m in constant community with peopleactive in recovery or
seeking that in their life. And I’m I’m around it on a regular basis, right?
It’s a part of mylife. I I sit on a board for uh what we call NextStep
Recovery, which is a men’s recovery home in Jasper where I live.Um I I go to
a ton of what we call meetings like like I have people in mylife that I
constantly are around. Um, the truth for me was it stopped workingand I I was
the last one to know it. It stopped working. Like the thing that he described
love and dope and and I’msure if I sat down talked to him, he’d probably have
a lot of alignment there. But yeah, it stopped working and I’m was the
lastguy to know it. Everybody around me in my life knew and I was the last
one.Okay. So, I have a couple questions to follow up on that. Yeah. If I cut
you off, thenNo, no, go ahead. Keep going. Okay. So, you’re the last guy to
know. I wanted to know like when did you know when did you discoverWell, I knew
I had a problem, but I When did you Okay, there’s two I guessthere’s two
different things. How early did you know you had a problem? How whenwere you
willing you to admit that you had a problem? And when did you start that I
guess thatpath to recovery? And the other part of that is you said you were
the last lastto know. It’s like when my son got engaged like everybody knew
and then I wasthat’s how I felt like I I was the last to know. That’s
probably a whole another podcast. We could switch roles. You want me Howdid
that make you have some trauma? You want to get in trouble about that? Yeah.
You know we could do this.Okay. I know we could. That’s the problem. I know
we could. You know what? Let’s do this. We we’ll have you back and I
we’regonna switch seats. You’re gonna you’re gonna host the Know Your Ship
podcast. I would love to do that. I’ll be your first guest.Yes, please. I
would love that. Let’s do that. Okay. So, if you’re the last to know who Let
me give Let me give context.Okay. I thought it was working for me. Mhm. Like
whenworking meaning it when you say working, does that mean it was making you
a better version of yourself?It was allowing me to exist. Oh, yeah. Like when
you get in a place where addiction becomes the only thing you canthink about,
it’s the only way that you can breathe. And I don’t I don’t justify that for
people that have been impactedand have family members, but as somebody at
that point in my life that was active in my addiction, it was the only way
Icould breathe. Mhm. So you were asking me to give up oxygen in my life. And
I didn’t trust you. Ididn’t trust anybody. I only trusted that source because
it could it could take me to the place that I wanted tostay which was absent
my reality. Um, you know, we talk about blot out theintolerable of our
situation. And what happens is is one of two things typically, right?Jails,
institutions of death are recovery. That’s the truth. And so for me, I
waslucky to get on the other side of that recovery. But my comment to you is
I was the last one to know is because I didn’trealize everybody knew I had a
problem. I thought I was like, you know what I mean? Like I was getting away
with itand everybody knew. My mom was an Allenon like 10 years. I think I can
say that on this podcast. 10 years before Iever got sober. Like people were
seeing my problems and they were looking for help of how to how they could
help me. Imean I went to I went to counselors and therapists and all these
things um along the way. So was that because people werehelping you? They
were trying to Okay. So okay, that that makes sense. Sopeople along there
were people along the way who were saying like come on you got to get this
together like you have aproblem and you were like maybe I do maybe I don’t
know. Yeah. And I began to see it. I mean I I did I I definitely began to see
it. Ijust hadn’t