How to Overcome Rock Bottom: Todd Sylvester on Rewiring Your Brain for Success

well as I pull away I start to cry like I’ve never cried before
in my entire life I don’t know if you’ve ever cried so hard that you feel
like you’re cleansing your soul this was a soul cleansing cry like I have to
pull my car over put it in park I put my face in my hands and I sob and for
the first time in my life right I feel like I in that moment I felt like I
mattered I loved who I was I made a difference in this person’s life that
she’ll never forget I’m thinking right and it lit my soul on fire welcome to
the know your ship podcast presented by e-hub I’m your host Frank doce
welcome back to the know your ship podcast sitting next to me is the one and
only Todd Sylvester you know what I I’ve done a lot of research and and a lot
of study by the way thank you so much for taking the time I know you’re I
know you’re a busy guy no thanks for having me I’m excited to be on uh and
and so I have so many questions and there’s so many things to talk about I
don’t even know if we’re going to get through all of it today so I might have
to get you to commit to a second or a third sure just right from the start
I’m down let’s do it Sylvester is such a great name but you don’t hear
Sylvester that often did you have you known anyone whose first name is
Sylvester I haven’t no I believe it or not I know I I I knew one really yeah
yeah such a great name where does it uh where does it come from what’s your
family history H boy you’re going to really test me there I think that comes
from Parts in Germany actually MH yeah so and you know Sylvester Stallone
right yeah there you got that but uh but yeah I was funny when I was younger
I’d always get teased um because my last name was Sylvester and that was back
when uh there was Sylvester the PTY tat that’s the only other one I knew was
that that one yeah so kids in in elementary would tease me oh I taught I
taught PTY tat you know that kind of thing and yeah no I love my name and uh
but it but growing up I got a little teased about it but it was all and fun
and but yeah I love the name yeah well you know I’m glad you brought that up
I’m glad you said that about getting teased as a youngster because I think
that’s where this whole story of yours begins yeah and and uh maybe this uh
lack of uh belief in yourself if I’m understanding it correctly please
correct me yeah if I’m if I’m wrong about any of that uh but but give us give
us a brief overview of what you’re doing today and then we’ll and then we’ll
start talking about how you got here perfect so I’m a counselor at wasat
recovery I’ve been there for almost 12 years and then I have my own private
coaching business that I’ve been doing for 30 plus years I’ve been doing this
a long time um I I do a podcast as well as you well know very yeah a very
good podcast thank you in the top 150 in in in mental health yeah it’s an
amazing podcast absolutely no I feel very fortunate there and then you know
um I do speaking events and little workshops I did one today for you guys
here at ehub which was great thank you for having me for that but yeah I’ve
been doing this now for a long long time and I just love helping people who
are struggling not just with addiction but it can be anxiety depression lack
of selfworth lack of purpose I work with a lot of younger kids who just they
have no clue what they want in life and they’re just kind of they’re doing
drugs and they’re blowing up their life because they just don’t really know
what they really want so I get to see a wide range of clients anywhere from a
you know a fifth grader all the way up to like a 60 70 year old who all have
different issues and different problems and so I have a wide range of people
that I see which makes it kind of fun and challenging at the same time yeah
amazing yeah absolutely so I I’m not sure that you you as a kid you you
thought about well I’m I’m I want to be you know an inspirational speaker or
I want to be a counselor or I want I want to help people who have gone
through addictive personality traits and to help them overcome that so so you
had some events leading up to this in your life can can you talk about that a
little bit sure well it’s funny is say that because I used to fake sick if I
had to give a presentation in school because I was so scared to do it I’d
rather take the zero and so I would just fake sick take the zero and I I
would avoid speaking in public by any stretch I could it’s the number one
anxiety among people yeah it’s like public speaking yeah moving I mean I I
can’t remember all of them death taxes flying yes yeah all of that but but
public speaking is number one so and now I do it for a living and I it’s
funny cuz even my family to this day still like man I can’t believe this is
what you do because they knew how it was younger but yeah so I you know I
grew up in a loving home I knew I had a very loving mom and dad but we
struggled uh we had a dysfunctional family in the sense of we didn’t talk
about you know drugs or alcohol or sex or anything like that it was and my
mom got caught up in you know in an opiate addiction my dad was a drinker but
he was able to control it but I grew up around this lifestyle and it just I
didn’t think anything of it just like this is what people do and at a very
young age I took my first sip of alcohol um I was 11 to be exact and I fell
in love with the rush of it I didn’t get drunk at 11 but I was like okay this
is wrong but I like it and I’m going to keep sneaking it from now on really
and it kind of just just would go do both my parents worked and my dad had
had a wet bar in the basement so me and my little brother had free rain to
the bar and so I just started slowly doing that and then by the age of 13 I
got introduced to marijuana fell in love with that and that opened the door
to everything else and that’s really what started me down the path of
Destruction let me ask you a question about that yeah because I had I had
access to alcohol or like my my family all drank socially uh we didn’t have
any uh addict addiction issues in in my family or extended family that I knew
of I mean we had the crazy uncle for sure right everyone has the crazy uncle
but but uh I had access to all of that as well and I can remember as a young
kid you know we would do family parties and Gatherings and afterward you know
the men would would sit around and drink coffee and have sure after dinner
drinks and and and the women would do would do the same Essen in two separate
groups but uh but I had access to all of that so I was getting you know sips
of this and sips of that and and for some reason uh although I like the taste
of alcohol to me is very appealing it just never never hooked never grabbed
so I’m just curious from your perspective now is it uh is it circumstance is
it do do you think it’s a gene what leads to that you know someone who has
access and fortunate maybe not to go down that path and someone who has
access and does go down that path yeah it’s a great question and I don’t know
if I had the the exact you know correct response to that but it was really
for me it was more the environment I just grew up in it um my mom was an
addict my uh her dad my grandpa was an alcoholic and it’s almost like I was a
product of the environment sure um I know at one time they thought was a an
addictive gene um they don’t know if that’s even accurate at this point um I
know there’s a bunch of studies done there so I’m not to say I’m an expert in
the studies but for me it was more of it’s just what I grew up in it was the
environment and for whatever reason I realized at a young age I had this all
or nothing mentality and when I tasted it I’m like I’m all in whereas my
brother kind of like you was like yeah you know I don’t mind drinking it I
but it didn’t over take his life like it did for me you know and so it’s
funny how it can just hit someone differently yeah you know okay so this this
started early in 13 you’re messing around with Y with marijuana and how how
bad did it get how how deep did you go and how did you finally figure out
that that wasn’t the path sure so it it was a gradual thing but I again All
or Nothing mentality I just I fell in love with people thinking I was this
crazy partyer to be quite honest with you it was a way that I fit in and so I
fed off of that so I wanted to be the craziest one at the party you know I’m
beer bonging A fifth or I’m you know I’m snorting three lines in front of
everybody and just whatever you know I’m paying someone a buck a hit off a a
marijuana pipe just so I can get six or seven hits paying him a buck at a
time and everyone’s like what are you doing you know because I’m I’m cutting
the line kind of thing it might sound weird but that’s what goes on in a
party you know but it was more of just me trying to be accepted by my friends
and just when I would hear them man you were the craziest dude at last night
at that party it would feed my ego so it was a lot of that it was like the
positive feedback response right there and I wore it as a badge of honor my
parents would go out of town I’d throw a keger at my house I would invite the
the entire class I mean I would I would pass out flyers for parties and it
was and again I wore it as a badge of honor I was the party guy I had the
party house and I just again I thought well this is how people like me and so
it just got gradually worse and by the time you know I’m in you know mid high
school I’m a mess at this point I’m truly am a mess mentally spiritually
physically just a mess are you getting like are you getting through high
school are you getting through I mean High School back when I was in the ‘
80s to be quite honest was pretty easy you just show up you’re going to pass
the class yeah to be honest and then where things really went off the rails
was my senior year when I I really noticed this voice in my head that was
telling me you’re pathetic you’re no good you’re a loser you’re never going
to make it I would play a couple really good basketball games and a couple
really bad games and um I was team captain with two other guys that year and
we had taken first my sophomore year second my junior and we ended up taking
first again my senior year so I played with some amazing players and had
colleges looking at me and that kind of thing and but my senior year is when
the rails kind of you know went the wrong direction and I really struggled to
the point where I was depressed I was even suicidal and just felt like the
biggest I don’t know I don’t know just a loser I just hated who I was I had
so much shame and then I earn a basketball scholarship college scholarship I
I get full ride and I blow it because getting high and when that happened
that’s when I went down this very deep dark depression which turned into my
behavior being very destructive I would punch holes in the wall I would I
would pick fights with people I’m not a fighter you know picking fights yeah
exactly and but that just you know just it became this complete um
shame-based Behavior where you know shame is the killer shame is I’m a bad
person and it’s just who I am I’m just bad and when you believe that that’s
worse than the drinking or the drugs because if you’re stuck in that mindset
you know you you just you don’t even care at this point is that the first
time you recognized that you had this negative selft talk was kind senior I
mean I knew I had it when I was younger I mean every all of us do we all
struggle with our narrative but it was it was senior year when it got when I
really noticed it and then on to college it just got worse and then when I
lose the scholarship ship I mean it was like I’m going to party and drink and
do drugs and if I die I don’t care and then I got to a point where I tried
out at several other colleges and then um got cut from all of those and
that’s when reality slaps me in the face and you’re no longer playing
basketball it’s done like and that realization was devastating and that’s
when I decided I was going to end my life I was done oh yep where where be
before we get to that sure where where is your family along this path so
again my family’s struggling too my mom’s struggling with what she’s dealing
with my dad they knew I was drinking they had no idea of the drugs I was
involved with so I I did a good job of hiding that I guess MH but I mean
senior year I get a five on the ACT I shave a five a five out of 36 yeah I
think you get three points for signing your name I shave my head and and
pierce my ear all in one week and it was the first time I S my saw my dad cry
never saw my dad cry until that day where he sat me down it’s like I don’t
know what’s going on with you and again I was a mess and I it was tough to
watch him cry but I wasn’t ready to do any changing at that point well you
know that for for a lot of people that could be a super low point and maybe
that is a you know a catalyst to some change but it didn’t it affected you
clearly definitely affected me but weren’t ready yet wasn’t ready did you
have any so so you got this positive feedback when you know when you were the
crazy party guy was there anyone along the way that pulled you aside and said
what are you doing like you’re acting like an idiot no I wish I could say yes
but no and you know think about it kids are probably afraid to say anything
you know maybe not so much now but back then you know you just I swear it
felt like everyone this is just what everyone does we party yeah I mean our
our theme my senior year was ripped in 86 is that what you put in your
yearbook well it was like a banner that we were flying at the basketball
games it was nuts and oh my gosh but it was just the mentality and again I
just fed off of it again it was just this eg-based shame based kind of thing
and so yeah no one pulled me aside I mean my mom was worried about me but at
the same time she’s struggling so she doesn’t know what to do cuz she’s
struggling herself and so so there was a lot of weird Dynamics going on but
no one pulled me aside and said dude you need some help and at least at that
time okay let me ask you this if someone had pulled you aside how would you
have reacted I probably wouldn’t have done anything to be honest and how
would you view it today I can’t say that for sure yeah how do I view it today
because I one of the biggest questions I get from parents how do I how do I
get my son or daughter who needs help how do I get how do I con some to get
help and I they’re looking for this magic answer and I don’t have one and
I’ll just say don’t stop asking them and and helping them and pushing them in
that direction but at the end of the day it’s going to come down to them
wanting it sure and I know that’s hard because we I wish there was a magic
answer because I could have had a hundred people talk to me and I probably
have okay thanks for talking to me and that I would have just kept going it’s
almost like the old saying you got to hit rock bottom yes not always but for
me you know Rock Bottom was you know losing my scholarship and wanting to end
my life that’s when I was like all my friends at this point are getting
married they’re they’ve they’ve got their four-year college degree some of
them are still playing sports in college and I’m just like I am the biggest
freaking loser and so anyway that was a tough obviously a very tough time in
my life at that at that time yeah I can’t imagine how how dark yeah and
impressing that is and I know a lot of people who are listening have have
either experienced that or know somebody who is is going through something
like that so one more question I want I want to talk to you about this where
you got to the point of you know not wanting to be around anymore but so do
you have advice for anybody who is watching someone go through that is it is
it an obligation for someone for us to say Hey you know pull your head out
you’re going down the wrong path or and and what are resources that people
can provide well first of all how I look at it now is if I have a friend
struggling I’m gon to I’m going to confront them and they may hate me they
may be mad that I confronted them they may not listen to me but I’m going to
do my part and so I would I would say to anyone listening to this if you have
a friend or a family member who’s struggling talk to him communicate again
they may not do anything but if you don’t say anything then they’re going to
stay in the same spot and you could I I love James Allen I’m a big fan of
James Allen he wrote as a man thinketh he has a beautiful statement not out
of that book but a different book he says a spoken sentence can turn the tide
of History so you may say something that will turn the tide of the history of
that person so I would say anyone out there communicate that you’re concerned
and keep going and they may refuse they may say quit talking to me they may
get even belligerent or whatever but at the same time keep going because
eventually someone got through to me and it was great and so so are there
resources out there I mean there’s tons of resources now which is great MH
end of the day the most effective thing you can do is sit down with someone
and communicate to them talk get vulnerable yeah and just say I’m concerned
about you and I’m saying this cuz I love you and I care about you and you may
not want to hear this but I’m here to tell you I’m here to help you if you
want it but you’re going to you’re going to die or you’re going to prison I
don’t want to see that yeah let’s do something I think people need to be more
bold in those circumstances because you fear that well they’re not going to
like me they’re going to disrespect me they’re not going to listen whatever
the list is you need to get over that well and I’m glad you bring this up
because there’s a difference between being liked and respected mhm so I’d
rather be I I can say this now I’d rather be respected by one than liked by a
hundred back in high school and college and you know even early on in my marriage
I’d ra you know I’d rather be liked yeah and don’t get me wrong it feels good
to be liked absolutely right everybody has that who doesn’t want to be liked
but I’d rather be respected the person I’m confronting may not like me but
they’ll respect me but what’s cool about respect is eventually they end up
liking you anyway so you get Best of Both Worlds but the like comes later
yeah it’s the obstacle you have to go through and we’re going to talk about
obstacles yeah so okay so you get to this point where you just feel like your
your life is not even valuable right anymore yeah and how do you get over
that what what happens next so yeah I had planned my um taking my life I knew
exactly how I was going to do it I’m on my way to go do it and I won’t go
into all the details because that is that could be a whole episode by itself
honestly but I reached out to a higher power I’m just going to say that I
don’t know what your listeners are if they believe in God or higher power
that’s I respect what everyone believes but to be honest with my higher power
is God and I reached out to a god that I didn’t even believe in because I was
so desperate and I reached out and I got an answer and and God usually
answers probably most of the time through another person and it was a person
that I played basketball with Rich Saunders his son is Richie Saunders who
plays for BYU right now MH and it was him who came to me who was prompted by
God to save my life and had I not gone through it I wouldn’t believe it
myself I wasn’t raised religious I matter of fact I was raised to not believe
in any of that stuff so it was a last desperation of okay okay if you’re
there if you’re real I need help and I got an answer and that turned the tide
of my history it didn’t CH it didn’t fix everything in the moment there was
other things that happened that needed to happen but that was the beginning
of okay maybe things are going to change so so would you describe that as as
hope you you had hope hope hope yeah sliver of hope it was a very small
sliver because again you have the still I still have the same mindset I’m
still doing drugs I’m still drinking every day I’m still stealing and
manipulating and lying and cheating yeah doing all that stuff I mean that was
my behavior yes it was a sliver of Hope but it was enough to where I could
finally maybe see a small light in a dark room gotcha yeah okay well the one
of the things that you teach and talk about which I think is is great is
foundational is getting rid of this negative selft talk yeah and it I mean
clearly you had to go through that process of I’m worthless to where you are
today and to what you teach other people how can you how can you tell us that
story what were the steps that occurred to get you to this place yeah great
question you know everyone listening into this we all have a story We Tell
ourselves good or bad and it starts from the time we’re born we just start
telling ourselves a story about ourselves about our lives about our world
World some of us go through some really horrific things abuse trauma and that
creates a narrative and I’ve been I’ve went through some really difficult
times growing up and it started creating this narrative I used to think that
I looked funny that people hated me that people are if I heard people
laughing they’re oh they must be laughing at me because I look funny that was
the story I mean this started as early as like sixth seventh grade and and it
just got worse over time and then you know you throw in drugs and alcohol in
the mix and it just makes it 10 times worse so really I didn’t have a drug or
an alcohol problem it was a thinking problem that’s what it was I was
poisoning myself with a irrational belief system that’s the problem and I
that’s what I do with my clients to this very day like you know they’ll come
in as an alcoholic and drug addict and I’ll say that’s not your problem the
problem is the story you tell yourself about you well I have a question about
that because one thing we were talking about day when you were talking to the
group is this this thing the a thinking problem and when your kids you know
you’re you’re in the moment and you know you’re not you’re not thinking about
the past you’re not thinking about the future and this is where you find Joy
you’re in the moment okay and I was think when when you were talking about I
was thinking yeah when I was a kid I thought I was Superman yeah and that was
amazing but when but at some point we lose that you lose the thing like
thinking you’re I’ll change that I I don’t think we lose it we forget it m
it’s always there we just need to be reminded and so it’s there we just
forget that it’s there and everyone goes all of us everyone in this room we
go through a period of forgetting and eventually sometimes we need someone to
confront us challenge us and wake us up Alan Watts has a beautiful quote he’s
one of my mentors that I look up to that I’ve studied he’s an old British
philosopher is now passed away but one of my favorite quotes he says when
you’re ready to wake up you’re going to wake up if you’re not ready to wake
up you’re going to stay pretending you’re just a poor little me yeah yeah and
so sometimes we need a wakeup call and that’s why when we go back to the
question what do we do when someone’s struggling confront them yeah because
it may be the one wakeup call that they actually needed to hear that changes
the course of their life and so you know I think we we need wakeup calls
through you know throughout the rest of our lives all the time right yeah
yeah absolutely back on this theme of selft talk if I if I said to you and
this is a quote from senica a stoic you probably are familiar with it yeah we
suffer more in imagination than in reality yep what does that mean because
our imagination is powerful we do not know the difference between a real
event or if we imagine it our brain and central nervous system does not know
the difference especially if we do it in such vivid detail Olympians will
call that synthetic experiencing where they will visualize doing their events
so perfectly that they actually believe they’re doing it just by imagining it
so let me give you an example yeah I don’t know if you’ve ever read the book
psycho cybernetics by Maxwell M I have not amazing book old book it’s been
around for a long long time in that he cites this uh experiment they did with
basketball players where they got a bunch of them together and they had them
shoot at the beginning of the month first of the month 100 foul shots and
they took down their percentages okay then they said they broke him up into
three groups group number one they said for the next 30 days we don’t want
you to touch a ball no practicing don’t touch it at the end of 30 days come
back we’ll retest you second group we want you to practice 30 minutes every
day for 30 days come back and we’ll retest you third group we want you to
just visualize for 30 minutes a day shooting perfect foul shots in your mind
for 30 minutes for 30 days and then come back and we’ll retest you okay they
brought them all back and they re you know had them all shoot another 100
foul shots I’m going to take a guess yeah go for it I’m just going to guess
based on what you’re telling me the the the the group that didn’t practice uh
either stayed the same or slightly improved they had some familiarity with
the test I’m going to say that actually went down they went down they went
down no practice no thought they went down okay I would say the the group
that practiced 30 minutes a day improved yep absolutely a nice Improvement
yep let’s say I’ll say 10% and just because you’re telling me this I’m I’ll
say that the the group that did I don’t know if I believe it but the group
that did the mental training the visualization what did you call it synthetic
synthetic experiencing the synthetic experiencing that group improved the
most you’re close um they improved the exact same not the exact but really
close to the to the group that the group that actually practiced and so just
to prove how powerful our thinking and our imagination is and so when we
imagine something in such detail our brain doesn’t know the difference good
or bad so that’s why we got to be really careful what we’re imagining because
if it’s something negative and bad it creates all kinds of anxiety
frustration depression guilt shame I mean the list goes on do you do you know
how many thousands of dollars I’ve spent on the game of golf you I can imag
you know how many thousands of dollars well and now I think you’ve just
corrected my all of my issues because my thought when I’m standing over the
ball my thoughts are never yeah like I’m going to pipe this right down the
middle of the Fairway yeah and are you are you saying to me that if I had
that positive thought more often than not you know I guess we all have to
have a little athletic ability but more often than not you’ll yeah you throw
in the practice along with not just the thought but actual visualizing and
thought practice if you were to sit down say 15 minutes four times a week
visualizing swinging perfectly hitting perfect drives perfect chip shots you
know no more than a two putt every time yeah right and you’re visualizing
that constantly you would see Improvement because Olympians have proven it
they’ve got they’ve got Decades of This research from Olympians Michael
Phelps best Olympian of all time most decorated of all time they’ll say he’s
the best because he’s the best visualizing you know we play this game when
we’re golfing it’s called The Snake it’s a three putt game have you ever
played this I’ve heard of it I haven’t played it okay so you get you if you
if you have a three putt then you have to put a dollar in the in the pot and
then yeah and then and then at the end of the round Whoever has the last
three putt has to pay everybody however many have been left out on the course
okay so now for 17 holes I’m not really thinking about it because there’s
another hole like so I just two putut I mostly two putut and if I three putut
on whole number three who cares because yeah someone’s likely to three putt
until 18 this has happened to me two times now on whole 18 I three putt all
of a sudden the three putut becomes yep the most the the the thing I’m
thinking about the most okay so it goes with another thing I got to share
with that you’ll love this you never want to motivate anyone or yourself with
the reverse of an idea so an example I’ll give you is this true story um
there’s a pitcher named Warren spawn he was the pitcher for the Milwaukee
Brewers back in the day yeah Sai Young w a winner amazing pitcher true story
he’s pitching in the um World Series base is loaded it’s the ninth inning
he’s pitching um they’re I think they’re up a run and the bases are loaded
there’s two outs but up comes their home run hitter MH so the manager of
Milwaukee calls timeout walks out to the pitcher mound and tells Warren spawn
don’t throw the ball high and outside don’t throw it high and outside this
guy loves him high and outside so anyway he walks off and as he’s in his wind
up he’s throwing it and in his mind he’s going don’t throw it high and
outside don’t throw it what does he do he throws it high and outside the guy
hits a grand slam they lose the World Series and they’ve done studies on this
and what what the manager should have done is said throw the ball low and
inside throw it low and inside he doesn’t like him low and inside mhm so you
never want to motivate yourself or anyone with the reverse of an idea right
yes so and again it takes practice and and that’s you know and golf’s
probably the toughest sport in the world because again it’s all here all up
here and it’s easy to get flustered and this and that but yeah I think if you
Incorporated some visualization techniques you might see a huge improvement
over the next maybe six months in your golf game I hope so I keep losing
money right isn’t that motivating enough yeah right okay well well I I want
to I want to transition into so so you you have this savior you start down
the path and you and you start figuring out like uh positive selft talk right
not you know I’m not a terrible person or maybe that’s not even how it goes
but yeah I so so how did you then become an expert you’ve been doing this for
35 years nuts and and it’s clear that you’re you have a it’s not a command of
the material that you necessarily learned from a book or from a teacher but
you have real life experience but what was the process how did you become an
expert in this so that you could teach it it’s a great question so how it
started so I I had that experience that I mentioned earlier where I got an
answer but I’m still a mess I’m still struggling and I’m a bartender at this
time which is not a good idea when you’re trying to quit drinking right and
as a bartender I’d get tips from the waiters and waitresses you know because
I’d make drinks for their customers and then anyone sitting at the bar I’d
obviously make their drinks and I get tips from them as well and back then
people would tip with you know 510 and ones and then a lot of times even
quarters nickels and dimes well I’d keep all that change I would get that I’d
make as as a bartender in the cup holders of my car mhm um and I’m a about 8
months past this experience I had with God honestly but I’m still struggling
I’m still using every day I’m still partying still drinking still a mess
still thinking of ending my life I finally make it about 3 days clean during
the week I’m meeting with a mentor who’s helped guiding me through this by
the way and it’s the mentor I mentioned Rich he’s he’s my mentor to this very
day and I’m leaving my neighborhood I got about $40 worth of change in my
couple in my car and as I’m leaving the neighborhood I see this little girl
out of the corner of my eyes selling lemonade no big deal don’t think any I
drive right on past and then I have this impression come over me turn around
and give her all the money in your car I thought whoa that’ll be cool I mean
this is 35 years ago $40 CH is a lot of money so I I flip around pull up roll
my window down ask her how much I think she said 25 cents I said I’ll take
one she pours it hands it to me I set it on my Dash and I tell this little
girl okay cup your hands like this and I just start scooping all this money
into her hands and it takes me like 10 Scoops and she’s throwing it on the
table as fast as you can she’s getting emotional I’m getting emotional she’s
like thank you so much oh my gosh thank you so much I’m like hold on I got
more and I just keep scooping right well then the last scoop she th