From Prison to Purpose: Ricky Zazueta’s Story of Redemption

One thing that I did know is I knew why I was in prison. And it
wasn’t because of my charge. It wasn’t because ofaggravated robbery. It
wasn’t because I had a gun and I pulled it out on somebody. That that wasn’t
why I was in prison. I was in prison because I sufferfrom addiction. I was in
prison because I was an addict and I was I was uh my brain wasn’t firing on
all cylinders.You know, when you’re when you suffer from addiction, you think
you’re making all the choices, but really you’re a slaveto the drug. Welcome
to the Know Your Ship podcastpresented by E-Hub. I’m your host, Frank
Dolce.What do you want me to call you? You could call me Ricky. Yeah, you can
call me Ricky. Sawa. Smacks. Yeah, a lotof people call me Smacks. So, you can
call me Smacks. Ricky, whatever. Say Ricky. Smacks. You know, I might just
transition between the two.Yeah, you do your thing. Smacks is Smacks is a
childhood nickname. That’s not uh anincarceration. That’s from your
childhood. I’ve been called smack since I was uh since I was like I want to
say like inthe fifth grade and I used to fight all the time. And you know the
story is my aunt says Iused to fight all the time. So she would call me
smacks and I would say no it was because you guys smacked me all thetime. You
know what I mean? So you always getting in fights. Yeah. I was always getting
in fights and said your she was like your hands yourhands would go so fast it
looked like you slapping them looked like you smacking them. So that that’s
where it started and Iit’s just been a childhood name I I carried for ever.
Yeah. And then and then I went throughthis transition, right? I went through
this phase, right? Because when I got out of prison, I got out I got out a
different man. I was adifferent person. You know what I mean? So I had this
like tugof-war between the two uh the two identities, right? Smacks. Yougot
Smax and you got, you know, Smax was, you know, someone aggressive, someone
who didn’t really care verymuch. You know what I mean? And Smax is an important
person to my personality. You, you know what I’m saying? And it served its
purpose for when I needed tobe that person. But then when I got out and, you
know, I’m no longer that person. I’m no longer trying to be someone that just
off the fly, off thecuff, bow, knock you out, that that type of person. You
know what I mean? And um, so I went through a little identitycrisis like,
man, do I still want to be labeled as Smax now that I’m out? Should I change
that and just strictly justcall myself Ricky and and anytime and and like
anytime I I’m involved inanything, it will always be Ricky Zeta. Ricky
Sasueta. And uh you know, I Itried it for a little bit. I went with it. But
dude, Smacks is just who I am. I’m Ricky, but but I’m also Smacks, youknow
what I mean? And I I got to embrace it. And that’s why I still utilize the
moniker Smacks. I still use it becauseit’s still who who I am, you know? I
I’m still I don’t want to say aggressive, but I’m still uh uh a proud person.
I’mstill assertive, you know, that person. I’m I’m I’m still going to stand
firm on on what I believe is right. You knowwhat I mean? So I like I said, I
still think it serves it purpose, bro. But I did go through I did go through
a little crisis about it.Yeah. Well, I I mean I imagine because that was your
whole life experience upto that point, but then you made a trans
transformation. You transformed. Yeah. And I like what you said. You’ve
you’vesaid this is an elevated version absolutely of the person who you were.
So it’s still who you are. Yeah. But a differentIt’s an elevated version.
It’s like it’s like it’s like a a person trying to get it, you know, you
know,trying to get you know I was watching this I’m watching this show,
right? The the Godfather or the the the the He’s ablack dude, but he’s a
black Godfather. Yeah, it’s on Hulu. I know. What is it? What is it called? I
forgot what it’scalled. But anyways, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It’s so it’s it’s
thegodfather, the black godfather or something like that. So anyways, so it’s
like when they when when someone’strying to get made, right? And they’re
trying to become they’re trying to become they don’t let them just get made
right off top. You have to you have tocomplete some some milestones in that
life in order to be made. You know what I mean? And when I talk about
theelevated version of myself, okay, I’m still smack. I still have those
qualities about myself, but I’m moreelevated version. I’m more of a I’m more
of of of a made man, so to speak. You know what I mean? Yeah. You went you’ve
taken all thesteps. Yeah, man. I’m really curious about So, like we we were
talking about I Ihaven’t had the same life experience. And and so like I have
a nice life. Ihave a good life. Absolutely. But for is there is there
something I can learnfrom your story? Is there a way that I can become a
better person, a betterversion of myself? And and you you had to go through
that like from the depths.Absolutely. Very lowest depths. And so you made the
decision to improve yourlife, improve yourself, and transform. And I’m just
curious about your thoughts on do you have to be in the depths ofdespair?
Absolutely. To to transform? Can people like who haven’t had that same
experience alsotransform their No, I I totally get it. You know, you know, the
depths of despair is subjective, right?My depths of despair is different than
your depths of despair. That doesn’t take away from the fact that you
experienced some traumatic events inyour life or you may have experienced
some some feelings of, bro, this is the lowest I’ve ever been in my life,
right?Mine just looks different than yours. We’re still experiencing the same
emotion, the same emotion of despair,the same emotion of confusion, the same
emotion of not knowing what to do. So I I I would I would I would venture to
saythat you felt that before, right? So with me, right, you know, both my
parents are gang members, both droppedout of high school, you know, I I I
come from a long lineage of of of drug addiction and gang affiliation, you
knowwhat I mean? So, you know, that that’s what my despair looked like. And
and at the time growing up in in theseenvironments, it it didn’t feel like it
was despair cuz that was that was that was me. That was what I what I grew up
in. I didn’t know any different. And Iwas happy with the life that I had, you
know. But um I think to answer your question, bro, the the way other
peoplethat who who feel like, you know, they may not have experienced what
I’ve experienced and may not have felt likethey will be able to pull
themselves out of it. I I would I would ask that you really take a good look
at your lifebecause you have dealt with it, right? and you have pulled
yourself up out of these situations if you’re still heretoday. And and and I
think the best thing that someone could could could could uh could derive
from my story isto know that man, this man suffered from addiction, suffered
from incarceration. Statistically, men who come from thatlife don’t make it
out. Statistically, men who suffer from addiction, they continue to suffer
from addiction, along life of addiction after. Statistically, with men who’ve
been incarcerated, especially for for uh inand out of juvenile hall, in and
out of jail, right? did did seven years in prison. Statistically,men don’t make
it out that life. So, the best thing that you could derive from my story is
even though the oddsseemed stacked against me, even though the odds seemed
like I was not going to make it, I dug deep into myself. Cuz weall have that
power. We all have the power to dig deep and to to tap into this untapped
reservoir of positivityand energy that we have in ourselves to be able to
utilize it to propel through life. You know what I mean? And and andso that’s
I I hopefully that answers your question, but man, no, absolutely. I it gives
a completedifferent perspective. Yeah. Because you’re right. Absolutely.
Everybody has their own trauma.Yeah. Everybody has their own despair. I I’m
so that’s so enlightening. I’m so glad thatyou have that perspective and shared
that. And I have to have that I have to have that perspective, right? because
in theindustry that I am, you know, being the director of wellness and
re-entry, I work with a lot of guys who are coming out of prison who have
suffered from thesame ailments and addictions and situations that I’ve
suffered from, but I also deal with men who’ve never evenset foot in jail.
So, I have to be able to bridge the two to to to find that that uh that um
that commonality, right?Like, bro, you guys are no different than each other.
That you guys are just you guys we we all have the samepicture. We’re just
looking at it from a different angle. Do you know what I mean? And and and I
try to I because I get guys that, youknow, here they’re at the rants that
come out and they’re like, “Bro, I’ve never been I just I just drink. I
don’t do drugs. Like like I I have a job. Ihave a business. I I I paid for
this. Yeah. I paid for this program for with cash. I don’t need
Medicaid.” And I’mlike, “Yeah, bro. I get that. But but the root of
why you’re here is no different than the man right here whojust stepped out
of prison.” Yeah. You know what I mean? It just looks a little
different. It just looks different. That’s all it is.Oh, that’s such a great
perspective. Yeah, that’s amazing. But why did you By the way,I I always do
this. We get in our conversation and I never introduce you. No, you’re good.
Let’s go. It’s your boyRicky Zazetta. Your boy Smax. We in the building over
here. You know what I mean? My boy Quan tapped in. I got gotme up over here
with Frank. We over here having this conversation, man. By the way, uh I did
find your music.Oh, yeah. The old school. It’s so good. Classic, bro. It’s so
good. It’s so good. Well, to wecan talk about that story and why you’re not
really in in music anymore. It’s a good story, butthat that was an
interesting that’s an interesting part of your life. I was wondering why you
asked that. I was like, bro, I was like, why is heasking about my music?
Yeah. And but I wasn’t offended or like felt weird about it. I was just
curious. I I’m sure Quan knew about it. But um soyeah, that what that Major
Way song, that was the last song I did. It’s a good song. Yeah, that was the
lastfirst one that I heard. There’s a whole list that I listened through.
Yeah. It’s a good song. Uh-huh. But that was the last one youdid. How long
ago was that? That was right before I went to prison. Uh that was uh in 2012.
That was likeliterally months before I went to prison. And see the thing
about the music, if people have listened to my music, bro, it’s just like,
you know, wewere close as far as breaking into the industry. We were
veryclose, but but we were also selling drugs. We were also carrying guns. We
were also justliving that actually living that life. So we were going in and
out of jail throughout all this. Go ahead. Let me ask you a question about
that because alot of I think a lot of artists in the hip-hopindustry portray
themselves as living that life. Absolutely. Is that true or is that not
true?Oh, it’s absolutely true. So you have you have you have what I call
poster poster boy rappers where it’s like okayyou look at a poster you see
you see the thug he looks like a thug he’s carrying a gun or you listen to
the music he’stalking about it but a lot of them are not actually doing it
there are there are the ones that areactually doing it and are actually
living that life out there and some and most for the most part if you look
back within the last 10years there’s many uh gangster rappers who have either
got killed or sent toprison cuz they’re actually doing it. The ones the ones
that are not either getting killed or ending up in prison,they’re not
actually doing what they’re talking about. You know what I mean? And and so
so the difference between us islike when we were doing music, I felt the
same. Even at that time, even even 15, 20 years ago when we were doingmusic
and everybody’s everybody’s doing gangster rap like, “Homie, you ain’t a
rap. You ain’t a thug, dog. You might berapping about it, but we’re out here
still living it. We’re selling dope. We’re carrying guns. We’re robbing
people. We’re we’re living that life.You know what I mean? getting in
shootouts, just the whole gamut of living in that world, you know? I I
eveneven on our mixtape, we dropped I said, “Before we rappers, we kill
us.” Well, I you know what I mean? Before we’rerappers, we’re gangsters
before it. You know, we just happen to be gangsters, thugs that knew how to
rap,you know what I mean? So, that that that was something that that I feel
like it it it it didn’t happen for us becauseof it. You know, we’re going to
jail, we’re going to prison, you know what I mean? So yeah, that last song
that Idid, Major Way, you know, that song was hard to write and and and any
song before that, I I Iyou can ask anybody that knows me that knows me in the
music game. I write songs like like that. Easy hooks,verses, and everything.
Put the song together. And when my brother passed away, I had a I had a mind
block. Icouldn’t write if my life depended on me. If if someone had a gun to
my head and say wrote a song, I would have been killed right there because
Ipsychologically could not piece together rhymes. You know, my brother was
veryclose to me. We were in the music industry together. We were both he was
he was a great rapper. I was a you know, we performed a lot together. So,
man, Iit it I I feel like that song I I don’t know. I don’t know how I don’t
want to offend any women, but I don’t I Icorrelated to like it must be like
it was painful like giving birth, bro. like trying my hardest to just push
this wordpush this song out to just push push the the feelings of of what I’m
trying to feel out on a p pen and paper, bro. Anduh I finally got it out,
man. And that was the last song I did because I couldn’t write anymore.Like
that was the last I had in me. That was it. Yeah, bro. And it it was Major
Way, man. And uhit’s a great song. Yeah. And where can people find it, by the
way? There on Reverb Nation. Like I said, we haven’t done music in so long.
So, it’sreverbnation.com/junkies music with a K. musi k. So, junkies musi k.
Yep. And it’s funny about it’s funny about the name, right? Junkies. People
like, why why are you calling yourself Junkies? So, it started off
asAdrenaline Junkies, right? Yeah. Because we have we have our older uncles
got a um a rap group. They’re out of Santa,California. Shout out to my uncles
out there, Bigs and Chief. They have had a rap group called Adrenaline
Brothers. M.So, and the reason why they were called Adrenaline Brothers cuz
they were really raw, like that that boom bap hip hop,you know what I mean?
Just like old school, like knock you in the face rhymes, you know what I
mean? And uh andwhen we started our group, we had the same energy, but a more
of a swagger to us. We had the same energy like punchyou in the face right
when you get on like like our energy just whaps you right in the face right
when you’re inour shows. So, I kind of rode with that and it was a we call it
was it was like a branch off from our family. We calledourselves adrenaline
junkies and um eventuallyfew years with the name I dropped the adrenaline and
just kept it as junkies and in hindsight bro I think about Ithink about the
name right I think about calling ourselves junkies bro and then learning
about learning about about thelaw of attraction I that that I’ve read a lot
about and I’m just like bro I just attracted us being junkies and like allof
us were all of us were real life you know junkies I wouldn’t We’re like
crackheads, but we were real lifeaddicts who were addicted to drugs and
trying to do shows and just like, bro,it just it just got bad. Yeah, it just
got bad. And well, it I mean, it’s really like themusic is compelling. It’s
really I I grew up in Southern California, kind of in that era, the
hip-hop,uh, rap era, and it’s it’s really good music. It’s a Imean, it feels
a little unfortunate like it had to end. with with that. Butyeah, I I I I
hear that too when I hear my music and everybody always everybody that ever
hears it, they’re like, “Bro,like, dog, you guys were dropping bangers.
Like, how why’d you guys stop?” Like my little brother right now, man,my
little brother, he he just got out the feds. He did a 5year stretch. He wasuh
he got he’s been out for like four months. But, you know, for me, I feel like
musicin my life served its purpose. You know, it it came to an end. Then when
my brother when my brother left, my brothertransitioned to a higher place,
you know, I I I knew my I my mind told me I could kill Icould still go, but
my heart was like, “No, bro. This the reason why you did music was
because of all of us weretogether cuz we were kids growing up doing music. I
took my my brother to the studio first when he was like 13 yearsold and blew
their mind. They were like, “Damn, bro. Your bro, your little bro’s
crazy.” So um you know, when my brotherleft, you know, for me it was
over. It was done. I didn’t have the energy. I didn’t have the will to
continue towrite. Once I realized that mind block, I was like, “Man, I
can’t do this no more.” So, we fell back. I ended up going to prison.
And my little brotherkind of still holds on to it and still does it. Still does
music. Still attempts to do music. Still battles withthe idea of, man, should
I be a rapper? Should I not? I I want to do it, but I also want to support my
family, youknow, because it me trying to be a rapper, it takes a lot. It
takes a lot of energy and it’s a very very very verylonely road for the most
part because a woman doesn’t want to be with someonewho’s a rapper who’s
constantly out there doing shows, girls throwing themselves at them, you
know, constantlyin the studio almost every single day, you know, especially a
gangster rapper. You’re living that life. You’re livingthat persona. You know
what I mean? And you and you have to be that persona. So, you know, a lot of
these rappers are aregangsters, but they’re also fathers. But but showing the
showing the persona of a father doesn’t pay you. That’s not whatpays you,
unfortunately. Right. It’s just it’s just the energy is backwards, right?I
just thought I just thought about like Yeah, that that kind of personality
likeyou know the dad who has a nineto-five job. Yeah, bro. What is he rapping
about?Yeah. What is he rapping about at work? Yeah, dude. My son, right? My
son uh uhhe just got he just got married, bro. And dude, he he had this there
was this uh he had like this uh video on the TVplaying while we were all
having dinner. It was like a it was like a uh a collage of like pictures and
like all thepictures are flipping through and then the picture comes on. It’s
me holding him holding my uh uh my little or hislittle brother in my arms like
this and I got a ski mask on. I’m likeand I’m just like, “Bro, why’d you
put that picture?” his like in-law my his in-laws are like strictly
Mormon, bro.And I’m just like I was like, “Damn, bro. Did they see
that?” It was so funny, bro. But he was like, “Dad,dude.” He’s
like, “Man, I’m not ashamed of it, man.” He’s like, “I love
you, Dad. That’s funny picture.” I I He’slike, “I told her to put
it in there.” I was like, “That’s my boy. That’s Well, it’s such a
It’s such a greatstory. It’s such a great story of of redemption.” And
so, um, I mean, I I I’m curious about youend up in prison and and it’s the
circumstances are crazy. And by the way, if you want tothere’s several podcasts
that you do and you tell you talk about your whole historyand this, you know,
the whole Kmart event. Bro, it’s nuts. It’s nuts. It’s nuts. So, the way it
plays out isjust crazy. Yeah. But, but I, you know, I felt like I’m going to
let you go ahead before before I start going in.I’d be I’d love for you to
tell the background, but I and and why you ended up there, but I’m curious
about like whywhat was inside you? What told you that youcould transform,
that you could become that there was a higher purpose for you rather than
sitting in a prison cellsomewhere. So, I I I don’t think right off the gate
that I knew what that looked like. You know what I mean? Because like I said,
Icome from a I come from poverty. you know, both my parents as gay members drop
out of high school, you know, 30,000 a year if that, trying to supportfor
trying to support five kids, you know what I mean? So, I in Southern
California, Southern California. I’m from SoutheastSan Diego. That’s more of
the rougher neighborhoods in in San Diego. And um you know, that’s what I
come from. So, II I didn’t know what it looked like to be successful. I
didn’t know what itlooked like to to be uh the best version of myself, right?
Because the version ofmyself that I’ve been carrying my whole life since a
teenager, I felt was the best version for myself. Okay, thatperson served
this purpose living and waking up at to gunfire and waking up to drug
addiction and crackheads everywherelike, oh yeah, I had to be rough. I had to
be callous. I had to be cold. I had to have a hard heart. I had to
besuspicious. I had to be uh I had to have, you know, look at people corner
with a corner. I had to not trustpeople. You know, that got that made me
survive, right? But, you know, being incarcerated, you know, I didn’t
knowwhat that looked like. But one thing that I did know is I knew why I was
in prison. And it wasn’t because of mycharge. It wasn’t because of aggravated
robbery. It wasn’t because I had a gun and I pulled it out on somebody.
Thatthat wasn’t why I was in prison. I was in prison because I suffered from
addiction. I was in prison because I wasan addict and I was I was uh my brain
wasn’t firing on all cylinders. You know, when you’re when you suffer
fromaddiction, you think you’re making all the choices, but really you’re a
slave to the drug. You’re like a puppet andthe and the drug is causing you to
think the way you think, causing you to make the decisions youthink you think
you need to make. Uh causing you to react to certain situations that you
typically probably wouldn’t react that way, right? So,I knew I needed to not
get high. And I also knew cuz right when I got into the prison when I was
even when I was in theuh with Quan in the intake so UN 5 is the intake
uhsection of the prison and and for the people who don’t know the old prison
that got tore down you know that part ofthe prison used to be death row. You
can you can literally look into a room and you can see where they where they
killed men that where they would I think thestate of Utah now with the last
person they executed, they’ve executed 13 people in it in it in its in
itsexistence, right? And um so they changed that building. It was like it was
like asmall building, but compared to the other prison, it was the the place
where they where they kill people. So that’sthat’s the energy on old bars,
death row. This is where I’m at. Drug addicts in there. So, I knew that I
didn’t needto get high. And the reason why I said I knew that because right
when I got there, I was faced with the option to get high right when I got
there. Youknow, I’m chilling in we’re chilling in the library intake. So,
we’re and typically that’s that’s the place you’llprobably find drugs the
most because guys are coming some guys are coming from the street or from
jailstraight to prison. So, they get their their strip search, they got got
it passed, you know what I mean? So, we’re sitting in the library, right? And
thereason why this play this place is not actually actually a library. It
just used to be the library in the prison. Sothey still call it that. So
that’s where they sit you. That’s where they intake you. That’s where they
make you sit there for like 4hours while they’re figuring out where they’re
going to place you. And you’re going through the process. I just You got sent
from Salt LakeCounty Jail or wherever jail you came from. You got you got
sentenced to prison. So now you’re boom, now you’re here. I’m in a five in in
the old deathrow building. I’m sitting in the uh in the library and I’ve been
talking chopping it up with this dude for hours.We’ve been in there for like
five hours just you know what I mean? We’re chilling, talking, just shooting,
killing time, trying to get to our sale.Had had lunch, had breakfast. And um
he goes to the bathroom. He tells the officer like, “Hey man, I need to
go tothe bathroom.” I’m like, “All right, cool. I’ll see you in a
little bit.” He goes to the bathroom, comes out, and when the guard
walks off, he reaches inhis pants and he pulls a sack out. So, and
immediately in my mind I’m like, damn, that fool just went to thebathroom and
pulled that out his ass. You know what I mean? Which is true, right? I mean,
which is true, dog.Cuz he went through Yeah. Yeah. He got strip search, but
they didn’t run him they don’t run them through aa radar, a detector machine,
right? Cuz they they didn’t get those in the prison till way later. But um so
he pulls asack out. He’s like, “Fool, what’s up, dog? Let’s get
high.” And I I’m looking down at what he had. He had like almosta
quarter ounce. He had like a ball like that big dog. And I was like, damn.
And instantly, bro, I was like got clammy,hands got sweaty. I was just like
eyes, my pupils probably dilated. I was just like crossed my mind. And I and
when itwhen when I when I looked at it and I saw it, I saw my wife crying
when I gotsentenced. I saw her being two months pregnant, six-month old baby,
my myfive-year-old son, my 12-year-old son, and my 14-year-old daughter. And I
justlike, man, I can’t do this. I got to be different. And I said, no. I
said, nah, man. I’m good, bro. I’m good. And thatwas the beginning of saying
no multiple other times in prison. And so the reasonwhy I say, you know, I I
I didn’t know what it looked like to be uh so it wasn’tsomething that I just
consciously decided, you know what, I’m going to be better. You know, I’m
going to change my life and when I walk out of this prison,I’m going to be
the I’m going to be the highest version of myself. No, it started from saying
no from from to drugs. And and then that day when I saidno, it built
something in me. It sparked something in me. It said, “Dog, you could
you could say no.You could you could say no.” And the thing about saying
no to drugs from somebody who’s suffering from addiction,you know, if you’re
saying no to drugs, presumably you’ve already been doing drugs. So you the
the synapses of yourbrain are not firing off on all cylinders. You’re not
thinking like a mature adult. You’re probably emotionally immature than you
should beat the age you are, right? But the fact that I said no to drugs and
continued tosay no to drugs the whole seven years while I was incarcerated,
you know what the byproduct of that was? I was be mybrain was firing on all
cylinders. I was I was I was walking around with more confidence. I was
feeling myself alittle bit like, “Oh, okay. Yeah, I can go work. I can
go get a little 40 cents an hour job in here. I don’t want mywife to have to
count on me to send money to me. I don’t want to have to rely on her.”
Right? Because when you’regetting high, you don’t think about the effects
that your life has on somebody else’s. You just don’t think about that. So,
that’s how I knew that I wasbecoming different because I stayed away from
drugs. And it and it organicallyhappened on its own as the like I like I tell
the guys in in treatment, bro. I said, “Dog, there’s levels to
this.You’re not just going to say, “I want to be clean, do a 60-day program,
and all of a sudden your life’s changed.” Absolutely not. There’s levels
to this.And the levels that you get in as you progress in your levels, it’s
contingentupon the decisions you make before each level up.It’s such a good
story, man. How, bro? How difficult was that first? No.Because then you said
it started like that was the start of you making a lot of those decisions,
saying no.Oh, for sure. And and it wasn’t easy because at that time I was
like I was in jail on on fighting on my case for likeuh for like four months.
So I I had four months clean. Beforethat, it was every day. I was in deep
psychosis before I went to prison from from being in psychosis. A lot of
peopledon’t understand being being uh uh you know uh addicted to drugs, especially
methamphetamine. It’s notjust specifically the drug that affects you. It’s
the sleep deprivation. It’sthe fact that you’re not sleeping for days on end.
So your brain is like mush. So you’re you’re you’re hallucinating.You’re
thinking things that are actually real are actually real. Right? Right. So,
when I say psychosis, you know, Iwas in deep psychosis when I went when I got
when I went into jail. Like, I was like, “Dude, cops are following
me.CIA’s on me. The undercovers.” I mean, they obviously were because I
got caught by the undercovers, but but there’s justso many other things that
that was that played into where where my mind was at that moment. So, so once
I was in jail,I was in there for like four months away from drugs. I was
eating, getting some good trays, eating some sandwiches, putting some weight
on me a little bit,you know. So, I had about four months of being drug-free.
So, I had a little bit of time on me. And I’ve never been fourmonths drugree
ever in my life once I started doing drugs ever. Maybe weeks here, maybe a
month atmost, but never four months. So, when I got got there and and I came
across that situation, you know, inhindsight, dude, God put that in my God
put that in my reality for a reason to to show me like, hey, look, let me
letme show you this. This is how it’s going to start. You you want to get
high? And boom, I said no. And it’s and and and itit it surprisingly was
easy. And the reason why I say itwas easy, man, cuz I caused so much
heartache and pain, bro, to my wife, tomy kids. Like, I literally was on the
verge of death numerous times. And andon the opposite end of that, I didn’t
care if I took a life. I didn’t care if I if I was put in a situation where
Ihad to kill somebody. I didn’t, you know. And it’s such a dark place to be
in. So, so when I came across thesituation of, you know, you want to get
high, it’s like that. It just I blink. Like I’ll blink and and and5 10 years
of drug addiction just I just watched it and I make that decision. I’mlike,
nah, I’m good. You know, we we there’s a there’s a concept we talk about uh
you you areprobably familiar with it in corporate world called servant
leadership. Yeah. So, the way that you lead people is youserve people.
Absolutely. And I don’t know, it feels like in that moment you became instead
of beingselfish, like it’s all about me, it’s how I feel, it’s you became
selfless and all of asudden you’re thinking about everybody else and how your
actions are affecting everybody else around you. And you know, I thought I I
thoughtI was that man before that, but I wasn’t. You know what I mean? I put
music first. I put I put my my my my myextended family first like my
brothers, my mom, my sisters, my don’t get me wrong, I love my brothers and
my mom, mysisters, but once you’re a man and you start a family, that energy
shifts. You still have love for your family. Youstill have love for your for
your extended family, but that energy shifts. All you all all all all the
bulk of yourenergy should be expended in your your your offspring and the
woman you chose to spend the rest of your life with,right? So, you know what
I mean? I had to learn that balance and I think you know not not being uh
jaded or being uhmasked by addiction you know caused me to think different. I
for I for sure matured a lot as far as emotionallyobviously physically as
well. You know I got I got fit in there as well and just you know there’s
just so much thing thatcomes into play in how how drugs affect your life.
It’s like it’s like you got all these cogs, right? You know, likethose, you
know, like those big old watchtowwers, they got all these these gears in
there that are turning and theyif they turn off a fraction of an inch, boom,
boom, boom, it’s just going to break and fall apart and that clock won’t do
its job.Mhm. So, drugs, it’s like looking at that all those mechanisms and
just throwing a monkey wrench in there and and it justdoesn’t work the way
it’s supposed to. It might it might function a little bit, the arm might move
a little bit, but itjust doesn’t it doesn’t tell the right time. You know
what I mean? And drugs does that to you and and and it justcompletely ruined
my life, man. Honestly, and that was triggered by the